Good, high-quality SPAM???

The late George Carlin once joked that somewhere in the world was the WORLD’S WORST DOCTOR, and that the worst thing about knowing that was knowing that SOMEONE had an appointment to see them next Monday.

In the same superlative vein, it stands to reason that somewhere in the vast Internet is the WORLD’S BEST SPAM. Okay, so it’s kind of an oxymoron, but logic dictates that it must exist, which leaves non-oxy morons like myself to ponder it like some kind of web-borne dark matter.
What would constitute the BEST_SPAM_EVAR? Should it be measured by its effectiveness in convincing you to wire your life savings to Nigeria? Should it be overtly artistic, like some sort of abstract expressionist painting, offering wisdom and enlightenment from the depths of your junk email directory? Or should it just be able to figure out a way to delicately navigate the myriad levels of filtration in most modern email accounts to ultimately deliver its payload of poorly-rendered Canadian Viagra photos to your eyeballs? Clearly, these are among the more pressing questions of our generation, and will likely be debated for centuries to come.
But rather than offer a position on what constitutes the ultimate in spam, I’d think it best to apply the highly scientific method of using a purely subjective rating system to rank my favorite spam. Consider it a “hot or not” for the superstars of the junk bin.
Using the well regarded and completely fabricated “SAF” (for “Spam Awesomeness Factor”) ratings scale, I will, from time to time, delve deep into the bowels of the Internet to procure for you the world’s most amazing, astounding, and remarkable collection of spam imaginable. Right here on this very blog.
I know, it sounds too fantastical to be true, but despite this, you find yourself willing to believe it anyway. I say to you, let go. Surrender to it. Become one with the spam.

SPAM ALL-STAR ENTRY: Do they have SPAM in the future?

Subject: Dimensional Warp Generator Needed avghh fx

Hello,
I'm a time traveler stuck here in 2003. Since nobody here seems to be able to get me what I need (safely here to me), I will have to build a simple time travel circuit to get where I need myself. I am going to need an easy to follow picture diagram for a simple time travel circut, which can be built out of (readily available) parts here in 2003. Please email me any schematics you have. I will pay good money for anything you send me I can use. Or if you have the rechargeable AMD dimensional warp generator wrist watch unit available, and are 100% certain you have a (secure) means of delivering it to me please also reply. Send a separate email to me at: webmaster@custompaintshop.net.
Do not reply back directly to this email as it will only be bounced back to you.
Thank You
Brian Appel

This gem first surfaced in 2003, instantly begging the question of when it could have possibly been sent. Like all truly fine quality spam, it also hints at a greater truth. Could it be that all spam is nothing more than attempts at trans-temporal or trans-dimensional contact? Certainly, this would explain why it so often misses the mark. Perhaps in the future, humans have mutated into creatures who need Viagra in order to live. Perhaps, after Nigeria grows to become the most powerful nation on earth, we will discover our species needs male enhancement in order to avoid extinction. Is it spam, or is it a dire call for help from humanity’s future?
You decide.

I give it a SAF rating of 8.5.

I would have gone higher if the author had known that the AMD dimensional warp generator wrist watch units available in 2003 were definitely NOT rechargeable. Moron.

Let’s Make a Deal

Zap this code with Scanlife and see what happens

If you’re old enough to be familiar with the television game show, “Let’s Make a Deal,” then you’ll recall that what made the show special was not knowing what’s behind doors number one, two or three. There were other wonderful aspects of the show, including members of the audience dressing in costume and the host offering U.S. currency to anyone who happened to have a particular household item with them (“I’ve got $50 for the first person who’s got a corkscrew”). For home viewers, the single biggest hook was our desire to know what’s behind each oversized door.

URL shorteners (bit.ly, tinyurl, ow.ly and others) provide a similar experience via the Internet. We offer each other shortened links on social media platforms, introduce them with a teaser and hope that our audience will be curious to see where the link leads. Now, a company named Scanbuy has added a new twist to “what’s behind the door?” and “where will you take me?” using 2D Barcodes. Scanbuy’s codes are the next really BIG idea that combines the power of the real time internet with the portability of ubiquitous mobile devices.

The essence of how it works is simple. A code is created and is programmed to perform an action when scanned. The genius is in the scanning. A free application, called Scanlife, works with mobile devices − such as the iPhone, Blackberry and Droid − using the device’s camera as a code reader. It’s as easy as launching the application, focusing the camera at the code and watching the action happen. The only hurdle keeping Scanbuy from being this summer’s “it girl” is that most consumers have to go through the activity of downloading the application, so it’s a two step process, as opposed to “launch and focus.” This will become less of an issue as new mobile devices begin rolling out with the program preloaded by the manufacturers. Scanbuy already has buy-in from some of the big guys − Motorola, Nokia, Samsung and Sony Ericsson all have begun to do so.

Anyone can register for a free account at Scanlife and begin creating codes that are programmed to do things. Cool things, like taking the user to a landing page with a coupon and/or map, entering the user into a contest with immediate notification of “winner” status, sending the user a text message, contact information or an invitation to an event. This is only a small sample of the infinite possibilities afforded by this simple, yet powerful technology. Business account users are provided access to the data collected by each scan, including the demographics of who, coupled with the equally important when and where.

Big name consumer brands, such as Heineken, Volkswagen and Morgans Hotel Group have initiated campaigns incorporating Scanbuy’s 2D Barcodes. Check out this video to see how Nestle deployed Scanbuy’s technology to provide a unique, value-added consumer experience using a regular Barcode.

At d+g, we’re placing increased focus on exploring opportunities in mobile applications and the real time Internet for our clients. Technology must not be misinterpreted as brand strategy, but when applied correctly, it most certainly has the potential to significantly impact the brand/consumer relationship.